Boot Camp
by Griffin of Malik
Summary: Pure insanity. Written on a sugar high. Ryou, Bakura, Yami, Yuugi, Malik and Yami Malik are in Boot Camp (duh) One-shot. XD


Author's Note: Okay, originally, this was supposed to be a commercial for my story, "And The Nominees Are", but I knew I would do a spin-off from it anyway, so I figure why bother. Just make it a one shot. This is my first one-shot, and I had no help whatsoever from Lady Sephiroth, because she is sleeping behind me. Despite the noise of the keyboard. Well, here goes nothing. Really.  
  
Disclaimer: Ishtar Griffin of Malik does not own Malik, his sister Isis, Bakura, Ryou, Yami, Yuugi, or any of the Yu-Gi-Ou! or Yu-Gi-Oh! cast.  
  
Griffin: (looks at all disgusted) You're all Malik's sisters?!?!?! Now I feel heavily disturbed about flirting with you, Bakura...  
  
Bakura: I'm not equipped to be a girl. Thank you however; it's in some sick way flattering I suppose. That I could pass for a woman.  
  
Griffin: ^__^ I know you're not. But I have doubts about Yuugi. He wears panties.  
  
Yami: (inches slowly away from Yuugi) What? I didn't do anything. I merely feel safer over here is all.  
  
Griffin: Yuugi...if that *is* your real name...you just gave me an idea for a fic. ^_^ (has sudden thought) I feel sick...I think I'm gonna call Earl on The Big White Phone...  
  
Yami: *raises eyebrow* Is that some sort of slang for throw up?  
  
Malik: Yes.  
  
Yami Malik: *pokes Griff* What's wrong????? You look...*eyes widen* Ooh! Puppies!!!  
  
Griffin: His attention span is shorter than mine. That's right, I have a short attention span. Not enough to call me retarded-  
  
Yuugi: Though we do it anyway behind your back.  
  
Griff: -.- Let's just say I that I bore easily. You should see me try to pick out a movie to watch. On with the fic; you guys talk too much.  
  
BOOT CAMP!!! THE CHAPTER THAT IS NEVER STALKED OR STALKS ANY OTHER CHAPTERS!!! (that means there are no chapters following, and it doesn't follow any chapters, making it a one-shot)  
  
(A Drill Sergeant is standing in front of Bakura, who is picking his nails; Yami Malik, who is shooting spitballs at the sky; Yuugi, who is about to pee on himself from intimidation, and his hair is flying back from the yelling of his instructor; Malik, who is most likely to succeed; and Ryou, who is staring at Yami Malik. Yami has drifted off on boat, the sea being his thoughts. The Drill Sergeant is dressed in fatigues and an army shirt)  
  
Drill Sergeant: (yelling) YOU WILL WAKE UP AT 4:00 AM EVERY MORNING!!! AND ASSEMBLE HERE RIGHT AFTER YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BUSINESS!!! YOUR FIRST TEST YAMI, IS TO DESTROY THIS CHIA PET!!! NOW!!! SEND IT TO THE SHADOW REALM!!!!  
  
Bakura: (his eyes flicker slightly, and the Chia Pet dissapears, he then goes back to picking his nails)  
  
Yami Malik: (Transforms the Millenium Rod into a dagger and stabs the Chia Pet numerous times, leaving his hikari snickering) (Still stabbing) Like this?????  
  
Drill Sergeant: NO NOT LIKE THAT!!! NOW, ONE OF YOU WILL BE SCRUBING OUR FLOORS SQUEAKY CLEAN SINGLE-HANDEDLY, AND WE KNOW FOR SURE THAT IT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT BAKURA!!!!! YAMI!!!  
  
Yami: (drifting back from space) Huh?  
  
DS: YOU WILL NEVER ANSWER ME LIKE THAT AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS YOU BREATHE THROUGH YOUR OWN TWO PUMPING LUNGS!!! YOU WILL ALL ANSWER ME AS YES DRILL SERGEANT!!!! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!!!!!??????!?!??!?!?  
  
All: Yes, Drill Sergeant.  
  
DS: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN MONOTONE VOICES, OR FLAT ONES EITHER!!!! IF A SOLDIER NEARBY IS WOUNDED, ARE YOU GOING TO CALL FOR HELP BY SAYING: oh, he's in trouble. Help. I DO NOT THINK SO!!! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!!!  
  
All: YES DRILL SERGEANT!!!  
  
DS: YES DRILL SERGEANT WHAT?!?!?!?!  
  
Yuugi: Um...  
  
DS: CONGRADULATIONS YUUGI!! YOU HAVE VOLENTEERED YOUR SERVICES TO SCRUB THE TOILETS WITH MY LITTLE FRIEND, TOOTHBRUSH!!!!  
  
Yami: (snorts) You have a friend named Toothbrush? That's gay.  
  
Ryou: You should all be paying attention.  
  
Malik: Quiet, goody-two-shoes.  
  
Yami: I believe you should accept his advice.  
  
Yami Malik: (begins to eat Chia Pet, then the pot that once housed it) Crunchy.  
  
DS: YAMI!!!!!!  
  
(No one answers)  
  
Bakura: You do realize you could be talking to three people.  
  
DS: (grabs Bakura by his collar) YOU WILL ASK TO SPEAK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, IS THAT UNDERSTOOD!!!!  
  
Bakura: Oh dear. (frowns in disgust) You know, I'm pretty sure Ryou packed an extra toothbrush, and I'm sure that if I arranged a meeting for the two of you, it would be love at first sight. Until your teeth were squeaky clean, then the toothbrush would probably, for the lack of a better word, cheat on you will a dirtier mouth. Or, to be fair, you can use the one Yuugi has in his hand. I do believe in personal hygiene.  
  
DS: WHAT ARE YOU SUGGESTING?!?!?!?! THAT I USE THE TOOTHBRUSH THAT HAS BEEN OVER ALL THE PLATOON FLOORS AND PUT IT INTO MY MOUTH?!?!?!?!  
  
Bakura: At first I was, but now I think that you should instead get a bucket until we can fix that spit problem of yours. Because you see, I just showered this morning, and though I'd love another, I'd rather not have it in the form of mortal human saliva.  
  
DS: DO YOU THINK YOU SOUND SMART TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT?!?!?!?! DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!!!  
  
(a loud explosion is heard. When the dust clears, all hikari and yami are standing there in the rubble of the building)  
  
Yuugi: O.o Bakura, what did you do????  
  
Ryou: Well, I would suppose he dropped and gave him...fifty.  
  
Yuugi: Fifty what?!?!?!?!  
  
Bakura: Don't worry about it. (strikes a cool pose (well all his poses are cool, huh?) and puts his hands in his pockets) I'm leaving. (pulls out flask, drinks and spits) Ugh, he didn't even have good taste in liquor.  
  
Malik: You took his liquor?  
  
Bakura: Yes. But I'll return it. (walks away from the rubble with everyone else following, then throws the flask behind him, hearing *another* explosion) What the hell?  
  
Yami Malik: (grinning like crazy) I switched Yuugi's soap bucket with Nitrogen. And I have a souvenir. (holds up bucket full of Nitrogen, sealed shut)  
  
Yami: So the friction from the flask...  
  
Yami Malik: Made the rocks go BOOM!!! (laughs maniacally) It just hit me when I ate that Chia Pet...  
  
Yuugi: Malik, your yami is a scientific genius...  
  
Ryou: Yes, I would be careful if I were you. Mine is just power hungry.  
  
Yami Malik: I would like to have a moment of silenc-  
  
Bakura: Moment's over.  
  
*****  
  
Griff: Well, that was my very first one shot! I typed it all on my myself. L-Seph is behind me sleeping. I'm sitting on her bed. Well, I hope you enjoyed it.  
  
Bakura: (is confuzzled) That was all about me.  
  
Malik: (also confuzzled) Yeah, what about me??  
  
Griff: You were there!  
  
Malik: (pouts, but still confuzzled) Not more than Baka-head. And you must be really tired. You said and I quote: I typed it all on myself. (cocks head)  
  
Griff: (frowns) Name calling isn't mature, Malik. *kisses his nose* One day, I will find an idea for a one-shot, worthy of your ignorance.  
  
Malik: And that's good right.  
  
Griff: Yes. And I'm very sleepy, which is amazing, because I'm on a sugar high. Well, people I hope you enjoyed. I hope the rating didn't confuzzle you, because I have no idea what it is. PG13, maybe?  
  
Malik: Yes, I picked it! You let me pick! ^____^  
  
Griff: Yes I let you pick it. I thought for sure you would rate it R. And it wasn't long, either.  
  
Malik: R? Why that would be...weird. You should do that next ^.^  
  
Griff: Maybe.  
  
Ryou: I have an idea K-  
  
Griff: (eyes turn into daggers, glares at Ryou)...(sounds like a pre-cog from Minority Report) Murder...  
  
Ryou: (quickly catches himself) Um, Griffin.  
  
Griffin: (smiles sweetly) Yes hun.  
  
Ryou: Why don't you dedicate your one-shots to people? (shrinks back) Just a thought...  
  
Griffin: Excellent idea Ryou! Thank you! ^_______^ I dedicate this fanfic one-shot to Sen-Taro Taisensei. Sen-chan, I *still* don't know what you name means.  
  
Bakura: (rolls his eyes) Here we go.  
  
Griffin: But I hope whenever you get around to reading it, you enjoy it and you had a laugh. Your sister told me you had pneumonia, so I wrote this to make you feel better. ^___^ I hope I gave you a laugh. (yawns) Sorry, I'm a little tired.  
  
Malik:...Then why did you post it. If you wrote it for Sen, you could've just emailed it to him.  
  
Griffin: *thwaps Malik* Don't ruin a beautiful moment, Malik. ^__^ Well, please review! ^.^ I need to wrap this up so I can go to bed. (yawns) Sleepy.  
  
Dimitri: (from out of nowhere) Make a one-shot of me!!  
  
Griffin: Later, squirt. (yawns) I'm tired.  
  
Malik: Can someone tell Griff what r&r means? She is confuzzled, that she is.  
  
Griffin: (eyes tired from staring at the screen too long) Of course Kenshin, when I get an idea I'll make a one-shot for you and Sano too...(falls asleep on the keyboard)  
  
Malik: Ahh!!  
  
Griffin: (pressing keys from head being on the keyboard) ytriouozrizh;oihyhewhewweuh;aWOhe;weho  
  
Malik: (moves her head) Messy woman! It's only *10:00* at night!!! Get off of the keyboard! Uh, I'll try and get her into bed, while you reply, okay? ^___^ 


End file.
